


The speed of my heart

by DontMessUpMyTempo



Category: EXO, NCT (Band), SHINee, SuperM, WAYV
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, M/M, No Smut, just boys in love, maybe not that angsty? idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21977941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontMessUpMyTempo/pseuds/DontMessUpMyTempo
Summary: SuperM happens and Taemin catches an unwanted crush on his new bandmate Mark. He tries to fight it but Mark really doesn't make it easy for him.
Relationships: Mark Lee (NCT)/Lee Taemin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

„You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” Taemin whispers accusingly after the other SuperM members go to check out the pool and he’s left alone with Jongin in their new dorm’s living room.  
  
Jongin wants to deny it just for the sake of it because it’s all too hilarious. He knows he was being totally transparent when he nonchalantly proposed that Mark should share a room with Taemin. „What’s the big deal? I thought you liked him.” He’s being an ass and he knows that too. But he feels like it’s his duty to tease Taemin a bit, after all it’s not every day that your best friend crushes on one of your new bandmates.

„It’s because I like him that it’s a horrible idea!” Taemin fumes. „Did you see those rooms? The bathrooms have glass walls! Glass! Completely see-through! I can’t even imagine-..” Taemin starts and then his whole body shudders at the lone thought of the crippling awkwardness that would most definitely ensue if he was forced to share the room with Mark. „Horrible. That would be horrible. How could you betray me like that, huh? I thought you were my best friend? I didn’t tell you about Mark for you to do me dirty like this!”

Jongin lifts his eyebrow, an amused smirk still firmly plastered on his face. „You didn’t tell me shit, I was the one who asked you if you liked him because you were acting so obvious.” At that, he receives a glare that makes him choke back all the other smart-ass comments he prepared. He lifts his hands in surrender. „Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t do it maliciously though, I genuinely thought you’d like to spend some time with him. We’re staying here only for a couple of days and our schedule is packed, there won’t be much time for you to make a move on him.”

Taemin rolls his eyes. „I already told you: it’s not happening. In fact, I’m doing my best to ignore my feelings so that we can get through all the SuperM promos without any weird situations. Which is why I’d rather not have my best friend try to force me into them and possibly increase the chances of me doing something stupid.”

„You’re acting like your crush on Mark is a curse or some shit. Shouldn’t you be happy and excited? Liking someone is a good thing, live a little dude. When was the last time you actually had feelings for someone, huh?”  
  
„Jongin we already had this conversation. There are a thousand reasons why this is a bad idea, him being a guy, a few years younger than me and almost a decade my junior being only a few of them.”  
  
„But what if he likes you back? He talks quite a lot about you when I’m with him, you know.”  
  
This little piece of information makes Taemin freeze, his heart skipping a beat and face involuntarily flushing. He already made up his mind about not pursuing his feelings for Mark but that doesn’t mean that he can just turn them off and not get curious when stuff like this pops up. Jongin won’t let him live if he shows even a bit of interest in what Mark said though so he quickly weights all the pros and cons in his head, trying to figure out if asking is really worth it.  
And, damn it. He really wants to know. He flushes even deeper red, looks away and tries to make his voice as indifferent as possible when he mumbles. „Oh, really? What does he talk about?”  
  
Jongin doesn’t call him out on like he expected but Taemin doesn’t miss the smugness in his voice when he answers the question. „Mainly that you’re really cool and you’re good at literally everything. And because you spend a lot of time with Taeyong he keeps pointing out that you two seem to like each other a lot. Oh, and one time he asked me if you liked clingy people more because Taeyong is very clingy with you. To be honest he basically just talks a lot about you getting along with Ten and Taeyong really well. I think he might be a bit upset that you’re ignoring him.”  
  
Taemin feels an arrow of guilt pierce through him. „I’m not ignoring him!” And he really isn’t, he would never.  
  
„Maybe not but you’re not really trying to get close to him like you are to the other guys either.”  
  
Another arrow, this time a more deserved one.  
  
Jongin spots an opening and immediately decides to go for the kill. „When I said that you guys should share the room and you said that you wanted the single one Mark actually looked dejected. Probably thought you hated him.”  
  
Taemin gasps and grabs his chest, his heart feeling like someone tramped all over it. „Wow, you’re really trying to guilt trip me aren’t you? That’s a low blow.”  
  
„Just tell him you like him. What’s the worst that could happen? SuperM is a once-every-now-and-then kinda thing. Even if things go south it won’t be the end of the world.”  
  
Taemin hates that it makes sense and that he feels himself waver. But more importantly, he can’t get the idea that he was acting unfairly towards Mark out of his head. What if he really thinks Taemin hates him? No, no. He shakes his head, chasing the thoughts away, he can’t let Jongin and his tricks get to him. „Ughh, you’re killing me.” he grumbles, running his fingers though his hair in frustration. „I’m going to unpack my suitcase, don’t follow me.”  
  
„Sure. As you sit in your solo room all alone think about how nice it would’ve been if you had your cute Markie with you.”  
  
Taemin stops on his way down the hall only to flip Jongin off.

SuperM goes through the US schedules smoothly, without any bigger hiccups. It's exhausting, especially because they're in a foreign country but Taemin is still extremely grateful for this opportunity and does his best to appreciate the obstacles that come his way.

After their long-awaited debut performance at the Capitol Records they have a quick interview with a Korean TV station and then ride back to their dorm for a celebratory barbecue.

Seven full stomachs and a couple beers later they decide to play Monopoly which unsurprisingly brings a lot of laughter and even more yelling. It's super fun but after a while Taemin starts to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the noise so he quietly grabs his phone and walks out on the balcony for a short break. He unlocks the screen and starts tapping away, checking his missed calls and whatever else.  
  
„It can get pretty loud with seven dudes, huh.”  
  
Taemin lifts his head to see Mark who steps onto the balcony as well and slides the door almost completely closed, successfully muffling most of the voices and music coming from the inside. „I strongly believe it’s all about quality, not quantity.” Taemin replies with a smirk.  
  
Mark laughs. „Yeah. Baekhyun hyung makes enough noise for at least three people.” he says and walks closer to the other man. „Something happen?” he motions with a nod towards the phone in Taemin’s hand.  
  
„Nah, just texting Jinki hyung. He’s probably busy crawling through mud or cleaning guns though so I’m pretty sure I won’t receive a reply for a few hours.”  
  
„Yeah, it’s midnight right now so it’s probably like-...” Mark looks up in thought, trying to quickly do the maths. „...-maybe like 4PM tomorrow in Korea? Man, it’s pretty bizarre to be here while life just goes on back home, right?”  
  
Taemin agrees with a nod. „I’m really happy to be here though.” he locks his phone and stuffs it into his back pocket. „You know, when I first heard about SuperM I just thought I wanted to make you guys comfortably enjoy it as much as possible. But in the end it was me who received the most comfort. While I love doing my solo stuff I’ve been pretty lonely with all my members being in the army to be honest. I’m not really used to not seeing them for so long... So it’s really nice to promote as a group again. And, for the first time I’m not the youngest in the group which is a nice change. I mean, I love being the youngest in SHINee, I wouldn’t give up this position for anything, but it’s still cool to experience having someone under your wing.” He smiles and playfully pokes Mark’s cheek. „Not to mention you’re all super cute too, you seriously make me want to baby you to death.”  
  
Mark laughs heartily, throwing his head back. „Damn. Should I be worried for my life?”  
  
„You especially. You’re the cutest one.”  
  
The amused smile on Mark’s face morphs into an embarrassed one. „Ahhhhh.”  
  
„You don’t like hearing that?” Taemin chuckles. „I know I didn’t when I was your age. I preferred to be called cool and manly.”  
  
„It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just embarrassing. I do realize I won’t be this young forever, I should cherish being called cute while I still can.”  
  
„Hah. You’re smarter than me when I was your age too.”  
  
„I’m not.” Mark croaks shyly, ducks his head to hide the blush on his cheeks.  
  
Taemin looks at him and can’t help how the corners of his mouth tug higher and higher upwards. ”You’re seriously too adorable.” he turns around and leans on the railing, resting the side of his head on his crossed arms. He lazily studies Mark’s face with his gaze, focusing on each feature one by one. „You know, I really like your eyebrows. They look like a seagull, anyone ever tell you that?” he mumbles, words slightly distorted because of his squashed cheek.  
  
Mark smiles, tracing his fingers over his brows absent-mindedly. „Yeah, they’re kind of funny.”  
  
„They’re cute.” Taemin corrects. „Your curly hair is cute too. So fluffy. I almost want our stylist’s hair straightener to burn so that I can see you with your natural hair more often.”  
  
„Really... My natural hair looks like a bird’s nest though. That would be a problem.”  
  
„The cutest bird’s nest on the planet.” Taemin assures and then falls quiet for a few seconds, searching his memory for something. „Hey. Which SuperM member’s tickles can make an octopus laugh?”  
  
„What”? Mark’s lips stretch into a confused smile. „Where did this come from?”  
  
Taemin looks him dead in the eyes and says „Ten-tickles.”  
  
A pause. Then the gears in Mark’s brain start turning again and he snorts with laughter. „What?” he screeches. „What in the world was that random-ass pun? Oh my god!” he claps his hands and then slaps Taemin on the arm a few times.  
  
Taemin watches him fondly, waits for Mark to quiet down a little bit before he adds „Your smile is super cute too, huh.” Obviously he knew that already. But he’s enjoying Mark getting frustrated quite a bit and he won’t pass a chance to see that blush bloom on his cheeks once again.  
  
As expected, Mark turns pink and brings his palms to his face, trying to cool it a little bit. „Hyung I think that’s about as much cute-calling as I can take, my cheeks are about to melt off.”  
  
„Now _that_ would be a problem.” Taemin says and then mercifully looks away, deciding to give Mark a breather. He lifts his head and takes in the scenery in front of him, the expensive-looking mansions illuminated by warm, yellow glow of streetlamps, the beautiful greenery swaying in the breeze, the hundreds of tiny flickering headlights in the distance. The only thing that could make all this even more breathtaking would be a sky full of stars but Taemin knows better than to expect to see any in Los Angeles.  
  
He lets his eyes roam freely as he’s enjoying the view and after a while, with the corner of his eye, he notices that Mark seems to be glancing in his direction every now and then. As minutes pass it’s becoming more and more frequent and lasts for longer periods of time and it quickly starts making Taemin nervous, his body feeling increasingly weird and stiff under all this attention. He really tries not to imagine any scenarios in his head but the setting is romantic, Mark is staring at him for some unknown reason and his feelings are bubbling up inside him so intensely it almost makes him shake.

Feeling dangerously close to doing something incredibly stupid he forces the rational part of his brain to take over and it occurs to him that he probably just made things awkward by being so quiet for so long which is why now Mark is looking at him, urging him to finally say something or let him leave. Making a quick decision Taemin pushes himself off of the railing, still feeling Mark’s eyes on him as he casually asks „Wanna head back inside? I think I’m ready for the second dose of chaos.”  
  
Mark seems startled to suddenly hear his voice. He blinks a few times as if he needs some time to process the question and then runs his hand through his hair, expression kind of sheepish. „Um. Actually, if it’s okay... W-would you mind hanging out with me for a bit longer? Uh. I-it’s fine if you want to go, y-you can totally go if you want to go b-but if you stayed I’d be really happy.” he blurts out and then winces, cheeks coloring in embarrassment.  
  
Taemin feels his heart flip inside his chest. Mark basically just said that he’d be really happy if Taemin kept him company but the shy blush and the cute stutter make Taemin’s brain try to interpret the situation in its own way. Once again, he shuts those thoughts down in the speed of light, immediately coming up with some rational reasoning. Mark just wants to improve their senior-junior relationship, right? Right. He’s not blushing because he likes Taemin but only because he’s a bit shy to tell someone he admires he wants to spend more time together, right? Right. All is cool, everything’s cool and it’s not a struggle at all to stay composed with the way his heart is trying to jump out of his chest straight into Mark’s hands.  
  
Surprising even himself, he manages to squeeze out a blinding smile and a shrug. „Sure, I can stay if you want.”  
  
Mark lets out a tiny relieved breath through his nose. He’s still visibly shy though, gaze alternating between Taemin and the floor. „Sorry if I’m being weird. I just feel like-. I don’t know, I feel like we didn’t get to spend too much time alone. I really want us to get c-closer.” he says and then his sparkling, doe-like eyes lock with Taemin’s.  
  
„Oh.” Taemin feels himself grow hot, hands trembling as he fights against all his ridiculous affection for Mark that wants to pour out of him. He’s got an unreasonably strong urge to cup Mark’s cute cheeks, pull him in and smooch him until his lips are red and swollen. Or just blurt out all the feelings he’s been hiding inside of him that are so desperately trying to break free.  
  
But he can’t, won’t let them out.  
  
...R-right?  
  
Mark deflates a bit, probably having counted on a more enthusiastic response. „Um, i-it was totally weird wasn’t it? I know people don’t usually say stuff like that and just kinda let things happen naturally.. b-but, um, I guess I was kinda desperate. I don’t know, it kind of feels like you’re always with everyone but me. A-and, and whenever I somehow manage to get your attention it quickly gets stolen by another member. Which is, y-you know, fine, it’s not like you have to pay attention to me all the time. But once in a while would be nice? I really think Ten hyung and Taeyong hyung would do fine without you fawning over them for a couple minutes.” After Mark finishes his monologue he stares at Taemin for a few seconds in silence and then a barely audible whimper escapes his mouth. He hides his face in his palms, completely embarrassed. „Oh my god...”  
  
Taemin would give away all of his fortune in exchange for a Mark manual. He knows his perception is warped because of how he feels and he’s got to be interpreting everything in his own favor but he’s still pretty sure that if someone else heard Mark say all that shit they would also think it sounded like he was kind of worked up and jealous. Which, sure, could be completely platonic but... what if it’s not? Maybe Jongin was right, maybe it’s actually worth giving it a shot.  
  
„Oh my god, what is wrong with me..” Mark groans, lets his hands drop to his sides, ears burning red and gaze stuck on his feet. „I don’t know why I said all that, please don’t take it the wrong way hyung. Obviously you’re allowed to spend time with whoever you like, what I meant was, I just-... I wish it was sometimes me.”  
  
Taemin knows he lost his mind the moment he realizes that his confession is sitting at the tip of his tongue, only waiting for him to open his mouth. He did his best to cram his feelings somewhere deep and dark inside of him but he’s only human and he can’t stay immune to Mark standing in front of him with those cute rosy cheeks and fluffy hair, saying all those _things_.  
  
He could still laugh this off though, pat Mark’s back and pretend he wasn’t seconds from confessing his feelings. Mark would never know, Taemin would get to save his heart from the possibility of getting broken and absolutely nothing would change between them. But somehow... Taemin doesn’t like that perspective a whole lot anymore. Mark’s words gave him the courage he didn’t want but now that it’s here everything is different. He feels like if he doesn’t come clean about his feelings now he’s going to go crazy wondering if maybe he had an actual chance and just decided not to take it.  
  
Having made up his mind he briefly looks up at the sky, takes one last breath and then fixes his eyes on Mark, heart anxious but determined.  
  
„Mark, I-. I want to tell you something but first I need you to know it’s okay to just... be completely honest. Please don’t feel obliged to do or say anything that doesn’t correspond with how you really feel just to be polite. Just forget about me being your senior for a moment, okay?” he rubs his neck, eyes dropping nervously for a second before catching Mark’s who suddenly looked up, done starting at his own shoes. The unexpected eye contact makes Taemin’s breath hitch but he doesn’t let it stun him into silence. „I um. Really, really like you. A lot. Like, you know.”  
  
His heart is pounding in his chest and he’s not even sure he’s breathing anymore as he watches Mark’s reaction. It doesn’t seem like he misunderstood anything, if the way he froze in shock is anything to go by. It’s relief, really. Taemin doesn’t know what he’d do if he had to explain to Mark that he meant his confession in the gay way. He is a nervous wreck as it is.  
  
Mark swallows, eyes wide and face red. „You-, you mean..?"  
  
Okay, so maybe Mark needs some kind of clarification after all. Taemin really doesn’t think he can pull himself together enough to form a decent sentence so he opts for something different. He keeps his eyes on Mark as he slowly starts to lean in, searching for any red signals that would tell him he should stop. He doesn’t notice any so he closes the remaining distance between them and presses their lips softly together.  
  
Taemin pulls away before he can even truly wrap his head around the fact that he’s kissing Mark. He looks at him again with flushed cheeks, feeling worried but also stupidly hopeful. „Is this okay?”  
  
Silence stretches between them, Mark’s face expression completely shocked and Taemin’s gradually turning into that of a crushing disappointment. When it becomes obvious Mark isn’t going to say anything any time soon Taemin takes a step back, eyes saddened but still kind. „I’m sorry... I freaked you out, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”  
  
Suddenly Mark unfreezes, shakes his head furiously. „N-no! That’s not it, I swear. I’m just-, wow, you really surprised me. I mean-, uh.”  
  
That was a clumsy string of excuses if Taemin ever heard one. „It’s okay Mark, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” Taemin says softly and then drops his head, breaking the eye contact. „I misunderstood the situation, I thought that maybe you meant something more when you said you wanted us to become closer but I was obviously wrong. The way you were acting-” Taemin starts but then stops, shakes his head. „Sorry, never mind, it doesn’t matter. I hope we can still be friends? Though maybe I should stay out of your way for a while, I don’t want to make you feel cornered or anything.” he glances up for a second before his gaze lands on the floor again. „So, um-. I’ll go, I guess. Enjoy the party.”  
  
Taemin moves to go past Mark but before he can even make one full step a hand wraps around his wrist and stops him. He turns around, eyes questioning and confused.  
  
„I-uh.. I didn’t lie, I’m really, honestly shocked. I just. I never thought that you could be-. Uh. I-interested in me. I don’t know, if I had to take a guess then it would be Jonginnie hyung. Or maybe Ten hyung. Or Taeyong hyung. You guys seemed to hit it off right away...”  
  
Taemin looks at him curiously, some of the tension in his shoulders evaporating although it’s clear he hasn’t let down his guard just yet. „Jongin is my best friend, we’re obviously super close but there are no romantic feelings involved, there never have been. Same goes for Ten and Taeyong.. I’ve known Ten the longest out of your members, he’s very comfortable for me to be around and I like him a lot. Taeyong made effort to get closer to me and I’m very thankful for that, we’re definitely very compatible in terms of our personalities which helped us get on so well. But they way I like them is different from the way I like you.” Taemin looks down at his wrist, still enveloped in Mark’s warm hold. „To be honest, you make me a bit nervous which is probably why I haven’t reached out to you as much as I have to the other members. I guess I just kind of settled on admiring you from afar. I’m sorry if you felt like I liked you less, that was never my intention.”  
  
The fingers around Taemin’s wrist loosen slightly, making his hand naturally slip into Mark’s own. Mark opens his mouth, like he’s about to say something but before any word can get out of his mouth the sound of the doors sliding open interrupts him and both of their heads snap to the side to see Taeyong blankly staring back at them. They definitely look like deers caught in the headlights and Taeyong seems to read the heavy atmosphere and the hand holding well enough to be visibly hesitant about joining them on the balcony.  
  
„Okaaaaayyyyyyyy.” Taeyong smiles awkwardly and slowly retreats, sliding the doors back closed.  
  
It’s quiet once again.

Taemin waits a few seconds for something to happen but when it doesn’t he exhales resignedly and pulls his hand out of Mark’s hold. „We should head back inside.” he says and he’s not looking at Mark anymore as he turns to leave.  
  
But, once again, Mark grabs his hand and makes him stop on his tracks. Taemin doesn’t turn around this time, head stubbornly turned towards the exit. He’s tired of this conversation, he just wants to go to his room and spend the rest of the night listening to sappy music and licking his wounds. If Mark liked him back he would’ve said something in the last ten minutes so carrying on with this heart-to-heart was not only completely pointless but also painful.  
  
„Hyung.” Mark calls softly and tugs gently on his hand, trying to make Taemin face him.  
  
Taemin resists. He wants to tell Mark to give it a rest but he’s starting to get upset and he’s afraid his voice might come out shaky so he ends up just pressing his lips tightly together.  
  
„Hyung.” Mark calls again, this time sounding more uncertain and pleading.  
  
And, goddamnit, Taemin doesn’t have the heart to ignore that. He sighs under his nose and slowly spins in his spot, trying to give himself more time to prepare for the continuation of this torment. When he’s fully facing Mark again, Mark grabs his other hand too and looks up at him from under his fluffy fringe.  
  
„U-um. Do you maybe want to watch a movie tomorrow?” he asks shyly and his face and ears go red before he adds „J-just the two of us?”  
  
Taemin’s heart jumps. His lips part slightly in surprise because out of all things he expected Mark to say, this wasn’t one of them. But then he realizes that he might be misunderstanding again, maybe Mark just wants to do some damage control and that’s why he proposed watching a movie together. It’s not like Taemin received a confession back from him after all. He’s about to ask Mark for a clarification when the doors slide open again and this time it’s Baekhyun’s head that peeks out.  
  
„Taeyongie told me you guys were fighting."

Taemin notices with amusement that Baekhyun's words sound slightly slurred, the members must've broken into the mini-bar too after he and Mark left. "We're not fighting hyung, just talking."

Baekhyun snorts. "Yeah, right. That's exactly what little rascals that were fighting would say. As a leader I feel compelled to break this up and put you to bed.” he grabs Mark’s arm and starts dragging him back into the dorm, muttering something about Monopoly being a shit reason to fight.

When they both leave Taemin exhales tiredly and is about to follow them inside when suddenly the upper half of Mark’s body springs out from behind door. „Tomorrow after your solo shoot. It’s a date hyung!” he yells before Baekhyun tugs harder on his arm and he once again disappears.

Taemin stands still for a while, Mark's words replying in his head over and over again. He lifts his hands, hides his face in his palms and smiles.


	2. Chapter 2

Mark curls up on himself, hides his face from the on-screen Johnny who is currently laughing his ass off.

„Dude, tell me this isn’t going where I think this is going!” Johnny pleads and wipes a stray tear away from his eye.

Mark lifts his head. „He fucking kissed me!”

Once again, a bark of laughter sounds from the speakers of the laptop. „Mark, you little casanova!”

„Stop laughing, it was so fucking gross I thought I was gonna gag.” Mark grimaces but there’s also an amused smile pulling at his lips. He loves talking to Johnny, he is truly like an older brother to Mark and their video calls always put him in good mood and bring him a lot of comfort.

„Haha, I don’t blame you dude.”

„So anyway, I was just standing there, totally paralysed, because he’s such a huge senior and everything and I swear to god all I could think about was how not to throw up in my fucking mouth.”

Johnny smirks. „C’mon Mark, don’t lie. You know you wanted to tap that.”

Mark fake-retches in response. „It’s was a nightmare! Thank god I snapped awake before he could grab my ass or something, that would’ve scarred me for life.”

„Sure, you say that now but I bet-.”

„Wait a second.” Mark interrupts him and strains his ears. He’s pretty sure he heard a noise just outside his door. He doesn’t hear anything more for a few seconds but still decides to check it out. „Give me a moment I think Taemin hyung might be back from his schedule.” he says and stands up. He slowly slides the door open to peek outside and sure enough there’s Taemin moving about in the living room. Mark’s heart jumps. He closes the door trying not to make a single sound and skips back to his laptop.

„He’s here!” he whispers, flapping his hands in excitement. „Oh my god. Oh my god, I’m so nervous.”

Johnny smiles and pretends to pat his shoulder through the screen. „It’s gonna be fine bro. So, talk to you later?”

Mark nods, feeling light-headed and breathless. „Yeah. Yeah, I’ll text to you right after. Wish me luck.”

Johnny shows him crossed fingers before the screen goes black. Mark closes the laptop and pads to the door again, grabs the handle, takes one deep breath and then pushes the door open.

Taemin is standing in front of the couch, one hand on his neck, face scrunched up like he’s in deep thought. Mark approaches him hesitantly, trying to look more confident than he feels. „You’re back hyung! How was the shoot?”

Taemin’s head snaps up, eyes startled. He looks at Mark for a brief moment before his gaze drifts away. „Oh, um. It was fine.”

The friendly smile on Mark’s face falters a bit. He kind of expected Taemin to be a bit more happy to see him. „Cool. So, uh. Are you ready to watch that movie?” he asks, trying to ignore the nagging feeling in his gut telling him something is not right.

„Um.” Taemin rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. „Actually, I was thinking.. We don’t have much time left before we need to head out. We probably won’t be able to finish it anyway.”

„Oh.” Mark’s stomach twists. He notices right away that Taemin doesn’t even offer putting their date off. It’s true there’s not that much time left before their group schedule but it’s still plenty enough time to watch a movie that’s on the shorter side. Not to Taemin though, it seems.

Mark isn’t sure what’s happening but he decides not to push it. „Okay then. Tomorrow maybe?” he proposes, because he’s still hopeful the situation is not as bad as it feels right now.

„Um, yeah. Maybe tomorrow.” Taemin mumbles. He looks around and then motions towards his room. „I-uh. I’m gonna take a shower.”

Mark is pretty sure he heard the shower going off in Taemin’s room before he left for his shoot but he doesn’t call him out. „Sure. See you later.” he says but Taemin is already walking away, leaving Mark alone in the living room.

It feels like Deja Vu. Another interview, questions Mark could already answer in his sleep, the same seating arrangement he’s more than just grown tired of. He never understood the purpose of always seating in the same order, who decided Taemin looked the best in the middle, between Taeyong and Lucas, and Mark’s place was on the dead end anyway?

„This is Musicspace, my name is Tina and we are here with SuperM. Before the break we talked about the tracks on the album and the music video filming, I think it’s high time we got a bit more personal with the members. We’ve got some questions prepared that were sent to us by your fans! Are you guys ready?”

There’s a loud roar of „Yeah!” from the members and Tina flips the page of her script. „Awesome, let’s dive right into it then. The first question is for-... Taeyong! Twitter user @joppingtyong wants to know who, out of all SuperM members, you got the closest to during your US promos.”

Taeyong replies almost instantly. „Taeminnie hyung! I think we match well and I found myself following him around a lot. I bet it was annoying as hell but he never said anything.” he jokes and Taemin furiously shakes his head, immediately jumping in to explain.

„It wasn’t annoying at all, I was actually very grateful to Taeyongie because my personality is rather on the introverted side and I’m not that great at approaching people at first. I tried to be as welcoming as I could but I think I was still quite awkward. So it’s all thanks to him that we got so close and, just to make things clear, his feelings are mutual.”

Mark grits his teeth, feeling an unwanted stab of jealousy. He sees Taeyong beam at Taemin brightly and it takes all he’s got not to let his face drop the oh-so-excited broadcast-ready smile.

The interviewer hums thoughtfully. „Beginnings are always tough, I’m sure all of you felt the pressure to get along as fast as possible too. You were suddenly put together in one group and you were expected to show great chemistry on stage in such a short time. It couldn’t have been easy.”

The members nod in agreement before Taemin speaks again. „It was actually one of my biggest concerns. I wasn’t worried about SuperM skill-wise because the members are all extremely talented and charismatic individuals, however the group’s dynamics and teamwork isn’t something that can be forced or faked. You either have it or you don’t, and if you don’t... well. I think the audience can tell right away.”

Tina smiles. „That’s a very nice answer. You seem to be confident in your chemistry.”

„Now? Yes. A couple of months back? _Hell no_. It’s no secret that there’s quite a big gap between us in terms of experience in the industry, I knew it would make the youngins uncomfortable so I promised myself to be as approachable as possible. But, I guess there’s only so much an introvert like me can do, the first couple of days I could feel a thick wall between us and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t keep me up at night.” Taemin laughs and then suddenly covers his mouth, his eyes widening in realization. „Oh my god, why am I babbling so much, this wasn’t even my question.”

„Don’t worry about it, fans absolutely love to hear stories like this.” Tina assures and takes a glance at her script again. „And I’ll keep you babbling because the next question is for you anyway. So, Taemin, can you tell us who, in your opinion, is the cutest SuperM member?”

Mark straightens in his seat and looks at Taemin curiously. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Taemin to pick him, right? After all he spent a good portion of last night basically calling Mark the cutest being in the world, he even explicitly said Mark was the cutest in SuperM. Things were a bit weird between them this morning but that doesn’t mean Taemin will suddenly change his mind, right? Mark bites on the inside of his cheek and fiddles with his fingers under the table, nervously awaiting the answer.

„Honestly, they’re all super cute but if I really had to choose just one...” Taemin purses his lips and looks up in thought. „..Taeyongie.”

Mark drops his gaze, his stomach suddenly in knots. He tries not to let it get to him, it’s just a stupid interview, it’s honestly not a big deal. But somehow, it still fucking _stings_.

Unlike Mark, the interviewer is delighted with the answer, she claps her hands and grins widely. „You guys both chose each other, that’s absolutely adorable! Taemin, care to elaborate on why it’s Taeyong of all who stole your heart?”

Once again, Taemin turns to look at Taeyong with a gaze full of adoration. „He’s often got that serious aura to him when he’s concentrating or when he’s performing so you really wouldn’t expect it, but he’s cuter than you can imagine. Especially to hyungs, he’s honestly super cute. Whenever he’s next to me he just likes to hold my arm and snuggle up a bit. He’s like a little koala bear.”

Taeyong lets out an embarrassed whine at that, hiding his face in Taemin’s shoulder and Taemin snickers, pointing at him with his finger. „This! This is exactly what I’m talking about!”

Everyone laughs and Mark automatically does as well, though his laugh comes out forced and dry.

„Well, Taemin, I think we all understand perfectly why you chose him. Your fans are probably going crazy over your bromance, huh.”

„I know I am.” Baekhyun squeals and starts fanning himself, wringing another fit of laughter out of everyone.

Mark _really_ wants to go home.

When the interview ends Mark is in a bad mood to say the least. But above everything else he’s feeling horribly anxious because of the way Taemin is acting. He thought they were going to be attached at the hip today, maybe even lovey-dovey and instead he got a rejection from him in the morning and not even a single word after that until now.

He’s absolutely desperate to make Taemin pay attention to him to soothe his worries and assure him that he’s freaking out over nothing. Which is why Mark sets his mind on sitting with Taemin on their way back to the dorm at all costs. When they get to the parking lot he makes sure to be the first one to get inside the car and promptly chooses the first row, right behind the driver’s seat. He slides closer to the window, making the other seat easily accessible and then _waits_.

The members get in one by one and everything goes according to plan until Taeyong stops next to him and places his backpack on the floor, clearly intending to take the seat next to him. Before Mark can think any better he jolts, throwing his hand over the seat protectively. „Uh.” he grunts, realizing how weird this situation has to look. „I’m-. I’m sorry hyung but can you please sit somewhere else?” he asks, trying to appear as innocent as possible.

He gets raised eyebrows and a confused look in return but in the end Taeyong wordlessly picks up his backpack and goes to take a free seat at the very back of the van.

When Taemin finally gets in Mark holds his breath and busies himself with his phone, opting for a casual, indifferent posture. The seat next to him is the first available one, Taemin _has_ to take it if he doesn’t want to make it clear he’s got something against Mark. He swallows dry, head bowed to hide his eyes that are following every single step Taemin makes.

Mark could feel in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong all day and yet it still completely crushes him when Taemin simply walks past him and goes to the very back to sit next to Taeyong. The car starts as they high five and start chatting happily, laughing loudly from time to time like they’re having the time of their lives.

Mark clenches his jaw tight, sinks deeper into his seat and puts on his headphones, turning the volume up to max to tune them out.

About 15 minutes, 4 songs and a dozen heavy sighs later he feels the seat next to him dip. He lifts his head and sees Ten motioning for him to take the headphones off.

„Are you trying to go deaf?” Ten asks. ”I can hear the angsty songs you’re listening to from across the van.”

Mark unlocks his phone to press pause and shrugs his shoulders, doing absolutely nothing to hide how crappy he feels.

Ten’s eyebrows furrow in worry before he scoots a bit closer. „What’s wrong?” he asks in English, trying to make the conversation more private.

Another shrug.

Ten presses his lips together unhappily. „Don’t be like that Mark. I could help, you know. What is this about?”

Mark fiddles with his phone for a few seconds before he mutters a barely audible „Taemin hyung.”

„Oh.”

It’s almost funny how quickly Ten backpedals, Mark can see it on his face how badly he regrets offering his help. „What’s up with this reaction?” he asks, because he’s genuinely curious.

„I thought you were going to say Taeyong, I saw you glaring at him before so I figured you were fighting. Thought I could talk to him or something. But if it’s Taemin hyung then...”

„Then what?”

„Uh. I might not be the best person for this.” Ten admits bashfully. „I-. I kind of have trouble with keeping my shit together when I’m with him? It’s like my IQ drops by half, eloquence gets thrown out the window and I kind of always end up smiling at him like an idiot. I literally can’t even be alone with him for a few minutes without blushing.”

Mark snorts. „What, you like him or something?” It’s supposed to be a joke but his heart is already starting to palpitate. He cannot handle another thing going wrong today.

„Not like that.” Ten says, his cheeks tinting red in embarrassment. „You know that he’s my idol and stuff. I probably should’ve already gotten used to being around him and started treating him normally but yeah, I still go all starry eyed when he talks to me. And, he’s, you know. Hot. Besides, you know how he is, always throwing compliments and looking at people like they’re the most amazing human being on Earth. Not really immune to that yet.”

Mark’s world stops for a moment as something clicks in head. Everything Ten just said is true. Taemin is very perceptive, he observes people carefully which allows him to pick out their good traits. He’s never hesitant to point them out and he does have a special, adoring way of looking at people while he does that.  
He suddenly sees everything that happened yesterday in a different light. Maybe Taemin doesn’t want to date him after all. Maybe he just called him cute because he always compliments people. Maybe Mark got drunker than he thought and passed out and just made up the kiss and everything else. Maybe he did something awful when he was drunk and that’s why Taemin is acting weird around him.

„So, uh.” Ten continues. „Sorry but I don’t think I can do much here. Unless you just want to talk, ‘cuz I’m always ready to listen if you need me bro.”

„Thanks.” Marks rasps, throat dry. „I-. I think I need to get my head straight first. But thanks.”

„Sure.” Ten says. He stays in the seat for the rest of the ride and Mark is really thankful for that.

The next day Mark wakes up earlier than he’d like. He studies the ceiling for good fifteen minutes, wondering how in the world his life started sucking so freaking bad, before he finally drags himself out of the bed and pads quietly to the kitchen, careful not to prematurely wake the other members up. He rummages through the drawers, finds a bag of crackers, opens it, makes himself a cup of coffee and then sits at the otherwise empty table. He munches on the crackers absent-mindedly, eyes staring blankly at the wall and before he knows it his head gets busy with thoughts again.

When he snaps awake from his trance his coffee is lukewarm at best. He glances at the microwave to check the time and is surprised to see that he’s been sitting here for almost an hour already and it’s almost time to start getting ready for the schedules. He pops one more cracker into his mouth and stands up, about to go take a shower but before he can make a single step forward the doors to Taemin’s room open suddenly and he completely freezes.

His heart speeds up in panic and he quickly tries to come up with a friendly greeting once he and Taemin come face to face but instead of Taemin it’s a shirtless Taeyong that emerges from the room. Mark watches him quietly close the door after himself and then sneak into the bathroom on his tiptoes.

He stands still for a while, connecting the dots and trying to come up with an explanation that is better than the initial one his brain supplied to him but no matter how he thinks about it all his ideas meet in one place. A hookup.

Mark feels sick, his stomach heavy and churning on the inside. Just when he thought his life couldn’t suck any worse _this_ had to happen. He swallows the lump in his throat and then slowly turns around to clean up the crackers and the coffee mug from the table.

„Morning.”

Mark jumps slightly, lifts his head to see Baekhyun walking in his direction, still in his pyjamas and hiding a big yawn behind his palm.

„Did you already have breakfast?”

Mark shakes his head. „Um, no hyung. Just some crackers.” he says and then pours out the cold coffee into the sink.

Baekhyun scratches his belly, scans the kitchen with his eyes searching for a frying pan. „You okay with scrambled eggs? I’m going to make some for everyone.”

„Yeah, sounds great.” Mark replies, trying to sound as enthusiastic as he manage. „Need any help?”

„No thanks, I’ll be fine. Go get dressed Mark. I’ll call you guys when it’s ready.”

It feels a bit wrong to just let Baekhyun do all the work and usually Mark would persist more on helping but he really needs a moment to himself right now. So, with a slightly guilty conscience he agrees. „Okay hyung. I’ll come to set the table later.”

„Ung, thank you Mark.”

Mark knew he would reach a breaking point sooner or later. What he _didn’t_ know however was that the trigger would be something as silly as a salt shaker.

They’re all sitting at the table, chatting and enjoying the delicious breakfast prepared by Baekhyun but Mark has serious trouble focusing on eating. He really wants to give all his attention to the plate in front of him and the simple act of shovelling food into his mouth but somehow all his senses seem to be set on Taemin. Taemin who’s currently draped over Ten, teasing him about the deep V-line of his shirt and playfully poking him in the exposed chest. Ten giggles (stupidly if Mark may add), folding on himself to get away from Taemin’s tickling finger, his ears and cheeks visibly flushed. Mark averts his gaze and then moves it to Taeyong, trying to see if he seems okay with everything that’s going on but Taeyong is busy chatting with Kai, not at all paying attention to Ten and Taemin.

Mark can’t help but feel more and more annoyed with every passing second, Ten’s whining and giggling driving him absolutely crazy. He can feel something big and nasty bubbling up in the pit of his stomach but just as he thinks he’s going to explode Taemin removes his arm from Ten’s shoulders and goes back to eating.

Mark releases a deep breath, Taemin takes a bite of his food, chews a little and then turns his head to his left.

„Lucas, mind passing me the salt?”

Mark blinks, once, twice. He drops his gaze to stare incredulously at the salt shaker, which is right next to his plate. He’s right here, the salt is literally right next to him and Taemin asks someone else to pass it?  
Lucas reaches over the table with his long arm, almost putting the sleeve of his hoodie in Mark’s eggs and suddenly Mark feels something snap inside of him. He shoots to his feet, sending the chair loudly screeching back across the kitchen tiles, his chest heaving and hands balled into fists at his sides. His thighs bang against the edge of the table, making all the dishes wobble and the salt shaker tip over and spill some of its contents.

The chatter between the members immediately dies down and all heads turn in his direction, wide, startled eyes staring at him in question.

There’s a pregnant silence for a few excruciating seconds and when Mark realizes what he’s done his cheeks redden in shame. He just made a scene for no reason, and it was in front of his seniors too. They’re definitely going to think he’s a spoiled brat with a bad temperament. „Uh. I-I’m sorry.” he stutters, lowering his head to dodge the overwhelming attention. „I’m finished.” He turns on his heel and quickly leaves, desperate to hide from everyone. When he’s in the safety of his own room he closes the door and leans against it, his heart in his throat and blood thumping in his ears. „Fuck.” he breathes and squeezes his eyes shut, so badly wanting to disappear. „Fuck. What is _wrong_ with you?”

Mark’s never been the type to get angry. He’s a pacifist by nature, even if he’s involved in an argument and someone’s shouting at him he rather attempts calming the person down instead of getting riled up and shouting back. What happened in the kitchen was totally out of character for him. If he doesn’t get his shit together and things don’t change fast he’s definitely going to end up making everyone hate him.

He takes a few more deep breaths before he pushes himself off of the door and crawls into his bed, fully intending to keep hiding until it’s time to leave for their schedule.

Mark's peace doesn't last long though, not even two minutes pass when he hears knocking on the door.

„It’s me.” Taeyong announces and he doesn’t sound angry, which is a relief. But if Taeyong’s here it also means he probably wants to talk and Mark’s not ready for that.

Even though there’s no answer Taeyong lets himself in and approaches Mark. He can already hear the upcoming questions in his head. What happened? Why did you do that? Is there something wrong? Do you want to talk about it?  
Mark doesn’t and he’s got every intention to make sure Taeyong knows that. But, to his surprise, Taeyong just grabs Ten’s iPad from the bedside table and then goes to make himself comfortable on the sofa.  
Mark is confused to say the least but doesn’t prod Taeyong. This is what he wanted after all.  
  
They stay like this, Taeyong playing on the iPad and Mark buried in the sheets for a couple minutes. When Mark fully calms down and his heart is once again beating steadily in his chest he realizes that he actually really wants to talk to Taeyong. He has to, he needs some kind of closure or he’s going to go absolutely crazy.

He slowly sits up on the bed and rests his back against the headboard, licks his lips nervously. He looks at Taeyong who’s still not really paying any attention to him. „Hey, hyung, um.” He clears his throat quietly. „Can I ask you something?”

Taeyong keeps tapping away, engrossed in the game. He glances at Mark briefly before his eyes return to the screen. „Sure. What’s up?”

„Um.” Mark swallows, shrinks on himself a little bit. „D-do you like Taemin hyung?”

„Yeah, of course I like him, he’s super cool.”

„No, I mean like-.” Mark’s heart thumps faster in his ribcage. Oh god. Oh _god_. Is he really going to do this? „Do you l-like him in a ‘I wanna d-date him’ kind of way.”

Taeyong lifts his head then, stares at Mark with an unreadable expression on his face. „Why?”

„You spend a lot of time together.” Mark mumbles. „And, um. I, uh. I-I kinda saw you leave his room in the morning.”

„And you think-?” Taeyong’s eyes widen incredulously. He finally puts away the iPad. „I just went to wake him up, like I did to everyone yesterday.”

Mark grimaces. „I was in the kitchen and I didn’t see you go in though. How come? You’d have to have been in his room for at least an hour and waking someone up doesn’t take that long.” He can’t help the accusatory tone that slips into his speech, his feelings are still too fresh.

„You didn’t see me go in because I used the other door. The one that goes right out to the swimming pool.” Taeyong explains calmly, but he’s still got that weird glint in his eyes, like he’s trying to figure Mark out.

„Oh.” Mark’s lips part slightly in surprise. Yes, he totally forgot Taemin and Taeyong’s rooms had another set of doors. And yes, Mark feels like a complete idiot right now. He’s also _immensely_ relieved. „So, um. You guys aren’t dating?”

„No.”

„And he didn’t, like, kiss you or anything?”

Taeyong raises an eyebrow at that. „No. Mark, what’s up?”

„So you don’t like him? _Like_ like him?”

„Mark are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to tickle the answers out of you?”

„It’s nothing.” Mark mumbles.

Taeyong just gives him the look.

Mark swallows. He stares at Taeyong and suddenly he can’t keep it in anymore. „Taemin hyung kissed me.” he blurts out.

Silence. Taeyong’s jaw drops, eyes widening in shock. „What?” He wheezes. „No way!”

„He did. He said he liked me and kissed me.” Mark says and then adds „I think.”

„You _think_? What do you mean by that? Either he kissed you or not, which is it?”

Mark looks down, his hands nervously fiddling with the sheets. „I remember him kissing me but I’m also not ruling out the possibility that I made everything up.”

Taeyong doesn’t say anything for a moment and then shakes his head. „Mark this is crazy, why on earth would you think that you made it up?” his voice is soft, empathic.

„It happened at the party. We were drinking so maybe I got drunk and passed out and it was all a dream?”

„The party after our debut at Capitol?”  
  
”Yeah.”

Taeyong sighs. „You didn’t pass out. You got dragged to my room by Baekhyun hyung and were sitting on my bed for like fifteen minutes smiling to yourself like a dumbass before I kicked you out to sleep.”

„Hey, I remember that!” Mark exclaims happily.

„Good.” Taeyong says and then lets out a long, heavy breath. He gets to his feet and walks to sit on Mark’s bed feeling like this conversation requires a bit more intimacy. „So. Taemin hyung kissed you.”

Mark drops his gaze again. „Y-yeah...”

„Holy shit.”

„Yeah...”

„Did you kiss him back?”

Mark blushes, his heart flipping inside his chest. „Um. I. I just. N-no. No, I didn’t.”

„Oh.” Taeyong’s eyebrows furrow. „So is this what it is? You don’t like him back and things got uncomfortable?”

„N-no. I didn’t kiss him back because he surprised me and uh. I actually l-like him a lot.”

Taeyong falls silent once again and Mark quickly begins to get nervous. He never really told Taeyong that he was attracted to guys and maybe he shouldn’t have dropped a bomb like this out of nowhere. He silently prays Taeyong doesn’t freak out, Mark can’t handle another member ignoring him and definitely not someone who’s as important to him as Taeyong. His palms are starting to sweat, breathing gets more shallow and uneven and it actually feels like he might hyperventilate soon.

„Aren’t you a bit too young?” Taeyong asks finally, his face showing concern more than anything else.

„To be kissed?” Mark croaks.

„No, I mean.” Taeyong purses his lips, like he always does when he’s about to give a member a lecture about something. „He’s a few years older than you. And, you know, sometimes boys have certain expectations towards their partner. He might want to move too fast, boys only think about one thing.”

„Hyung, you do remember that I’m a boy too, right?” Mark deadpans.

„Of course, but you’re still so innocent!”

Mark stares at Taeyong, not believing this is happening. „You talk like you haven’t caught me with my hand down my pants two times already.” Bringing this up makes his ears redden in embarrassment, this isn’t something he really wants to reminiscence about but he needs to bring Taeyong back to reality.

Taeyong pointedly ignores that. „Anyway, Mark, don’t let any boy pressure you into doing anything naughty, you shouldn’t be embarrassed for wanting to wait until you’re ready. Okay?”

„Oh my god.” Mark draws his knees to his chest, hiding his face that just keeps getting redder and redder. „I don’t think it’s going to be a problem hyung. Things are weird between us now anyway, he’s avoiding me.”

„Did you do something?”

„I don’t think so...” Mark mutters.

„And what did he tell you when you asked him why he’s acting like that?”

„Nothing. I mean, I didn’t ask him.”

Taeyong huffs. „Come on Mark... You gotta talk to him! That’s the first thing you should’ve done when you noticed something was wrong!”

Marks lifts his head from his knees, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. „I know that too. But it’s scary.”

Taeyong pushes him lightly. „Think how scary it must’ve been for Taemin hyung to confess his feelings to you in the first place. It’s gonna be fine Mark, you know he’s really nice and kind, he’s a really good hyung. Besides, he’s ignoring you right now so it can only get better from here, right?”

„I guess...”

„You’re already on the advantageous side because you know he likes you.” Taeyong places his hand on Mark’s head and ruffles his hair a bit. „Cheer up, hm?”

Mark gives him a weak smile and Taeyong smiles back. „Alright then, we need to leave soon so get ready. And if you ever need to talk you know where to find me.” Taeyong gets to his feet and walks to the door before turning back. „Oh and one more thing Mark. If you need condoms don’t ask the manager, he’ll want to know everything. Just come to me and I’ll get them for you. Remember - no glove, no love!”

„Oh my god.” Marks screeches and covers his ears, shaking his head left and right. „I can’t hear you!”

Taeyong laughs wholeheartedly and then leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I bet you thought you've seen the last of me. Well surpirise! It's not really in my nature to abandon unfinished works haha.  
> It did take me long time to write this, so if anyone was waiting for this I'm sorry!  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, make sure to tune in for the last one :)  
> Comments are loved and greatly appreciated!


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